What am I doing here?

Exploring why I started a substack and where it is going

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

When I first started blogging nearly two decades ago, I had just lost my father, turned 50, and divorced. Looking back on that first post Knitting Resolutions into Life's Pattern, I can see a woman who found herself at a crossroads, searching for meaning. I remember the angst that turning 50 brought. I felt my like my life was running out and for the first time in my life I felt mortality staring me down. Looking back, that woman was a mess. It seemed that writing through the angst and uncertainty would be a way to navigate that next half of life that was so abruptly in my face.

But as time went on, that writing took a different path. It became a way to keep a record to pass down to my children and grandchildren. A journal of my own journey, which included them. I was always so curious about the lives of my ancestors and was blessed to have diaries kept by my maternal great grandmother and the stories written by my maternal grandmother of her life. Through those journals, I was able to be there at the joyful anticipation of the birth of my own mother. What a gift I found those to be, a gift I wanted to pass on, that would endure long after I was gone. I have always kept journals, but blogging offered me the opportunity to add pictures to the narrative and be accessible in the now. I wanted my grandchildren to be able to read through my blogs and see the joy surrounding their births and daily lives. It was also an opportunity for them to see that life is marvelous at every stage and to see me as a human navigating life; winning some and losing some. When we look back we lose some of the perspective of the actual events. My blog offers them a view of those times, in full color, and the love that surrounded them every step of the way.

However, when I switched to substack, I decided to change course and play with my own voice. What I have found is that it really did not suit me, this change. I have never aspired to be a writer, a journal writer, yes, but for my own purpose and pleasure. Yet, it has been fun to post about this or that, but at my heart, I prefer to write about my life. To share the daily doings, my books, time in nature, the joy of my doggies, crafting and making…always making, thrifting adventures, and the most precious time spent with those I love. So while I may still post some philosophical musing, my heart is leading me back to the original intent of my blog.

And so it is….

After warm days with hints of spring all around, I awoke to large fat flakes of snow falling gently on the pond across the way. Bundling up, the dogs and I headed out to marvel at the beauty as we trampled through the quickly whitening world around us. I think these late winter snow storms are my favorite. I love nature’s last gift of this beautiful white world before succumbing to spring. Although I was a bit concerned for the daffodils beginning to bloom that I had notice on the previous days walk.

On the making front, I have been having so much fun making dolls. I finished up two more little loves. Both are from patterns that I carried in the quilt shop I owned a lifetime ago. Sweet Cinnamon Spice is just too cute dressed in Susan Branch fabric with cloves for hair, and apron full of rice and spices (and smelling heavenly, and an accompanying star pieced trivet also filled with sweet smelling spices and rice. I just love her. I am going to make her again but use branches for hair and fill her little apron with pine needles from my favorite Arizona Cypress that sits along my favorite walk.

I also made up a cute kitty that will head to her new home in Ireland next month. I used some adorable kitty fabrics I had collected over the years. She is just the cutest ever with her little whiskered face.

As for knitting, I am still working on my current shawl, but cast on some simple socks as I love to keep some socks on the needles for an easy project to grab in those spare minutes. I have been thoroughly enjoying the Friday knitting group at our local library that I recently discovered through a new friend. Isn’t it just so lovely to find new friends that you share so much in common with?!

As I go into my dissertation, one of the professors on my committee recommended numerous books that he thought would be helpful. I have been devouring each one and enjoying them enormously, filling them up with scribbled notes, stickies, and highlighting. This is my current stack of books to be or are being read…

I also received the next 7 books in the Lois Meade mystery series by Ann Purser. I have fallen in love with this series, but then what is there not to love about a cozy British mystery? I just have such a weakness for books and seem to always be adding more, and that does not include all that I have on my audible. With all humor I also have a thing about cookbooks, though I rarely cook much anymore. But I have given many away to family who are delighted to have them.

I braved the cold and snow to stand in line for a very promising estate sale. I was not disappointed and ended up with some gorgeous Jim Shore pieces, Autumn and Christmas Temp-tations bake ware (this will be passed on to my girls), a Christmas village to be painted (the grands will love that), some darling kitty stuff (again for a grand) and books books and more books for .10 each. Thrifting and treasure hunting amidst others casts offs just makes my heart sing…..

Today on the top of my list is to start a new quilt and that is what I am now off to do.

Blessings,

Patricia