Journey to self-acceptance

As all that unnecessary life draining angst is put to rest

My own photo capture of a shooting star

Recently the brilliant Helen Redfern of The Anxious Writer here on Substack started a book club to read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. I stumbled upon Julia Cameron several decades ago and immediately devoured every book of hers I could get my hands on. Her morning pages practice was central to my survival in a career that often beat me down. My collection of her books has traveled with me to several new homes and locations and I have added to it as I have discovered new books written by her. So when I saw the book club I was excited to revisit this life altering tome. Mind you I have not opened a Julia Cameron book for over a decade or longer. It came as a shock that the book just no longer fit. I also started up the morning pages practice, but those also just did not hold the power for transformation that they did during the years that I felt like I was clawing my way though the mire.

As I was reading through the book, I realized how far I have journeyed into the land of self acceptance and deep contentment. I had no need to do the deep soul searching activities to discover what was sabotaging my creative genius, as my creativity is currently in full force. All that angst that I struggled through for so many many years has just melted away in this glorious second half of life. That is not to say that I don’t have sadness and struggles, don’t we all? But they do not dominate my life as my priorities have changed and my ego has found a place of rest, sheltered by the soul.

This transformation didn’t happen overnight, I have done a great amount of soul work. My entire PhD is centered upon deep personal reflection and work as we train to become mind/body/medicine practitioners in one area or another. The entire philosophy behind Saybrook University is one that supports the need for personal growth as a catalyst for professional growth, especially in the healing arts. The pandemic also allowed time to really slow down and go inward. And age; growing older, allowing that which no longer, or never fit, to be shed. Age brings the beginning to fully recognize that which is of importance and that which is honestly just an illusion, a shadow.

My own photo of a full moon on a cloudy eve

I still have shadow selves that like to rear up and be seen and heard, but I clearly recognize those and know that they too shall retreat as soul soothes the need to be authenticated. After all, in my own journey, the root of all my angst was the need to be authenticated, appreciated, respected, and feel worthy of being loved, of being alive. But as I began to question those shadows, I have found them so often to be creations of my own doing.

It is interesting how we change and (hopefully) grow as we humans journey through life. I so very often find myself thinking how I wish I had understood and come to these realizations regarding self worth decades ago. How much self-inflicted misery I could have been spared. I say self-inflicted as we do allow society to trick us into believing we aren’t quite good enough. But is it possible to gain this type of knowledge while in the trenches; trying to survive and make a living? We are so knocked about in a work environment that is functioning within a capitalistic economic system, and further knocked about by a culture that places value on all the wrong things.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

As I was pondering these things, I happened upon a post by Hannah Hope here on Substack in which she talks about going back to basics and simplifying her life. As I read over her list of what this means to her, I recognized that this return to basics is really what the second half of life brings. A return to basics with a simplification of life and resetting of priorities. This to me was a shift in consciousness at a soul level, but still and always a work in progress. Today, I may feel that I cannot once again connect with the work of Julia Cameron in The Artist Way, but I recognize that as I continue to shift and grow, that may change tomorrow. Deep transformational soul work as taken place over the last decade, but as we all know, there always remains those small traces of ill fitting skins that hold on and pinch here and there. Life seems to be about needing a good shaking off periodically.

Blessings,

Patricia

After Note: After completing this post, I happened upon some morning pages I had started during the pandemic. I had forgotten I had used that practice for a short period after I retired and Covid hit (all within a few months). What a treasure to read through them and see the immense growth taking place as peace and contentment settled in. It is interesting to note that this coincided with a course in my PhD studies in which I was training in guided imagery and mythic journey practices. Always so fun to be able to add our actual experiences as written while reflecting upon our journey.